Three's a Charm: Back Door Awning.

All right.

I think we're good now.  Finally.  Whew.

If you remember, I had purchased one of those "modern" awnings over on the Amazons a bit ago.  Turns out the entire thing was tacky rickety plastic, it fell apart not only as I was attempting to install it thus requiring assistance, but it disintegrated in less than a year.  Holy frustrating.

Somehow we muddled through winter snow and spring deluges with a cobbled together piece of crap but something needed to be done ASAP, like yesterday, last week....it was terrible.  So bad.

I don't know if you realize how embarrassing it is to show you this.  Wow.

And it was plaguing me.  Not only because it was so horrifyingly bad but because it was...atrocious.

Aaarrrggg!!  What to do what to do what to do.  Hair pull, hair pull, as if pulling would yank an idea out of my brain.

Then!  The other day I happened to be over on Hometalk and came across this a/c unit surround that a person named Chas in Florida had built.

Huh.

And the light bulbs popped.

Thank you, Chas!

Before running off to Menards (I swear, they're not paying me to mention them but they'd be smart to), did a lil' research on their website.  Turns out they had 1x2 pressure treated lumber.  All right!

See, 'cuz my idea was to use the same brackets I had built, why reinvent the wheel, the holes are already in the house.

For some reason I can't remember I was stuck at home, couldn't head to the store so I checked on the scenario out back first and dismantled the disaster.

I spent an unreasonable amount of time staring at these brackets from the ground, on a ladder, from the deck, trying to figure out their problem.

After lots of checking and hemming and hawing and chin scratching and surely the neighbors were pointing and laughing, turns out the right side bracket was lower than the other two.

Actually, the neighbor to the east did laugh at me as the day before I was working on the front porch.  He chortled and shook his head, "always doing something, aren't you?"

Ok.  Back out back, more hemming and hawing.  Ok, have to raise that bracket.  Yikes.  Two more holes, eeeeeeeeeee, not excited about that but the back piece covers over the nasty bits.  Eventually I got kinda close enough to a fix and headed to the store next day.

No joke, I took off and put back on that plastic crap about four times trying to figure out the final design.  Yeah.  Lame.

Heh, so you can check in-stock quantities online, see, and I know they're never correct but usually they're kinda close.

The way it works with Menards is you can either grab a cart and load it up with your big awkward heavy unruly purchase or you can head to a counter, tell them what you want to buy, they print out a piece of paper, you pay for that piece of paper, then take your vehicle out back and load up.  I opted for option two.

Big mistake.

Their stock said they had sixty four pieces of 1x2 when in fact they had two.  Two warped ones.  So I had to go back inside for a refund.  Which ultimately was fine as I got to see Korey but then ran to a different Menards which claimed they had 102 sticks.

I asked the guy at the counter, you suurrrre you have 102 because the other store said they had 64 and they didn't.  He rolled his eyes at me like ugh really?, not another crazy, yes we do.  Another guy says "we just did inventory, we have 110".....I get back there and they have thirty.

Whatever, I got my pieces and left, an hour behind my schedule now.

After trimming the sticks down a hair, I got to use the folding workbench in the garage finally!  hahaha...

Figuring my new spiffy plan here, that it will be a larger or at least more pronounced end result, I opted to stain the wood an almost-matching-the-siding color.  So the awning will be present but it won't be blaaahhh in your face contrasting.

Woot, solid color stain.  Bigger woot, using the workbench!

Who knows, I may re-color it next year.            ......Right?!

I know, don't yell at me for staining the wood too early.  There was no way I was going to wait to install everything until next year nor was I going to install everything and go up and down a ladder five zillion times staining it next spring.  Nope.

I had picked up some pole barn screws not necessarily because I was building a pole barn back here but for the look of them.  Everything was going to be monochrome, I needed a contrasting textural design element.

Mmk, so!  Took the first strip and jammed it up at the top, let it overhang the edge six inches.

Pilot drill a hole with this swanky  flip drive quick change bit* whooie was that thing helpful, sank a pole barn screw.  Perfect!

Waaaaaaayyy helpful tool, one side countersink, hidden inside is a Phillips head bit.  And the pole barn screws.

Using a piece of the cutoff, I had the exact spacing for the next piece.  Pilot drill, pole barn screw.

No brainer way to measure!

After attaching a few pieces, I moved to the other side, tacked those down, then the middle.

Rinse, repeat.

Repeated.  It does look a little New Englandy, east coast-y, traditional-y but it's far better than it was.

A day later…."Did you see what I’ve been working on in the yard, babe?"

Mike’s glancing around, around, around, around around around, “ah!  Oh!  Ok.  Huh.  I like it.  Third time’s a charm huh?"  Pause, head tilt, "yeah I like that though I don’t know if I like it because the last thing was so horrible or if it’s just cuz I like this.”  Though hours later he did say, not even outside, "I really like what you did, babe."

But thence began a debate....to clear plastic over it or leave it as is.  Because I mean c'mon, the exact reason we put an awning up is to protect ourselves from inclement weather while fumbling for the door key.

“I dunno, just leave it as is I think,” was Mike's final decision.

So a couple days later I picked up some thin clear plastic from Menards, not the right size but so be it, not to defy Mike's desires but to at least have some sort of weather shield.

Yep.  Plastic sheets.  New versus tired, old, and broken.  That's not a metaphor for anything.

Found some zinc screws from the last awning adventure, and despite being super careful and pilot drilling through, cracked the plastic a tiny bit here and there when sinking the screws.  Yikes.  Hope it holds up.

Nice.  Please stay.  Please work.  Please.

Tada!  New awning!  Yayyyyyyyy!!!

It's not crooked, it's the camera.

So again, thanks Chas, really appreciate the help with the idea there!

Even Finn looks proud!  Thanks, bud!

*The pole barn screws and flip drive quick change whatever it's called countersinks are Amazon affiliate links.  Mwah, thanks!  Please see the "boring stuff" tab for more info.